


They Shoot Unicorns, Don't They?

by Zoe Rayne (MontanaHarper)



Series: Mythical [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Humor, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-23
Updated: 2005-05-23
Packaged: 2017-10-02 11:19:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MontanaHarper/pseuds/Zoe%20Rayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the myths get a little turned around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Shoot Unicorns, Don't They?

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Humor. Don't ask where the idea came from; honestly, I don't know. Originally just called _Mythical_, but then there was a sequel and _Mythical_ became the series title.

"It's, um...."

Honestly, Rodney couldn't blame Ford for not wanting to finish his sentence. He wasn't going to say it, either.

"It's what, Lieutenant?" Sheppard's voice crackled over the radio and Ford threw an imploring look at Rodney, who just shook his head emphatically.

"It appears to be a unicorn, sir," Ford said quickly, and Rodney was surprised to see the faint darkening of an embarrassed blush high on Ford's cheekbones. Oh, he was going to be able to tease Ford about this for months.

The creature did, indeed, seem to be a unicorn. It was white, about the size and shape of a small horse, and very definitely had a long, pointy horn protruding from its forehead. It looked like the posters that had decorated Jeannie's room when they were growing up—without the fluffy clouds and rainbows in the background, of course—and that thought made Rodney's head hurt. He closed his eyes firmly, but when he opened them again the unicorn was still there, blinking calmly at him.

"A unicorn?" Sheppard was laughing now, and again Ford looked pleadingly at Rodney.

Rodney caved. "Yes, Major. It certainly appears to be a unicorn from where I'm standing."

There was a pause, and then Sheppard said, "Teyla and I will be right there."

The unicorn stepped closer to Rodney and started nuzzling his vest, trying to open the velcro flaps with its teeth. Rodney dodged, trying to keep the horn from impaling him while at the same time pulling a power bar out of his pocket.

"Sir!" Ford was at his side instantly, P-90 out and pointed at the unicorn.

"It's okay, Lieutenant. He's just hungry." Hastily he pulled the wrapper off and held the peanut-butter flavored bar—his favorite, he thought sadly—out on the flat of his hand for the unicorn. It licked at his fingers for a second, then used lips, teeth, and tongue to take the proffered food.

Rodney never thought he'd be glad his only sibling had been a girl, but he supposed her teenage obsession with horses had finally paid off. Though if you'd tried to convince a twelve-year-old Rodney McKay that a summer spent mucking out stables would eventually result in him knowing how to feed a unicorn on an alien planet in another galaxy.... Uh-huh, right.

Teyla arrived at a run, skidding to a halt next to Rodney and then frowning. "Is there something threatening about this creature, Dr. McKay?"

"No, no, not particularly," Rodney said, waving away her concern. "Well, I mean, it could gore you pretty effectively with the horn, I guess, but it doesn't appear to be at all aggressive."

"Were we not meant to be coming to your aid?" she asked, confusion evident in her tone.

Ford grinned at that, though Rodney had to give him credit for at least _trying_ to cover it up. Still, Rodney glared at him, just on general principle.

"Back on Earth, we have stories about animals that look like this, but they don't actually exist. I suspect the major was less worried about our safety than he was interested in seeing a mythical creature first-hand," Rodney explained. As the unicorn started to nuzzle Teyla's vest, he continued, "He's looking for something to eat, I think. I already fed him a power bar."

Teyla retrieved a power bar from her vest and Rodney showed her how to hold it out, flattening her hand so that the unicorn didn't nip her accidentally. As the unicorn licked her palm, she laughed. "What a strange sensation," she said, and Rodney couldn't remember the last time she'd smiled so effortlessly. Apparently the attraction horses and horse-like creatures seemed to hold for females was truly universal—in the astronomical sense.

When Sheppard jogged up a second later and stopped just behind Rodney, the unicorn suddenly backed away. Rodney recognized an equine expression of panic when he saw one, but he wasn't sure what was causing it; the last time he'd seen a horse react like that, there'd been a snake in the tall grass in front of them and he'd almost been thrown.

"Major," he said softly, "I think you should back away. Without making any sudden moves, if you don't mind."

To his credit, Sheppard followed Rodney's instructions without hesitation, even as he asked, "Why? What's going on, McKay?"

Sheppard was about ten feet back before the unicorn calmed down, letting Rodney approach and stroke his nose. "That's far enough, I think," Rodney said. "He's fine with the three of us, but for some reason you're frightening him." He frowned and looked from the unicorn to Sheppard. As far as he could tell, there was nothing about Sheppard that was any different than the rest of them. They were all wearing the same gear, carrying the same weapons, and they _should_ all smell reasonably similar. Discounting individual variations in scent, of course. "You're not wearing cologne or aftershave or anything, are you, Major?"

"No." Shepard shook his head.

"Maybe it's the scent of your shampoo or hair gel," Rodney wondered aloud.

Sheppard blinked at him. "I don't use hair gel," he said, and then it was Rodney's turn to blink. He wasn't sure he believed that anyone could get their hair looking like that without a lot of effort and product. "And my shampoo is whatever generic kind we've got in the stores. You use the same thing, right, Ford?" Ford nodded. "So it's not any of that."

Everyone was silent for a moment except for the unicorn, who whickered softly into the palm of Rodney's hand, presumably looking for more snacks. Ford opened his mouth, then looked at the other three and closed it, shaking his head.

"You have a thought, Aiden," Teyla said. "Share it with us."

Ford ducked his head a little, then said, "It's dumb."

Before Rodney could form his next hypothesis, Sheppard said, "C'mon, Ford. There are no dumb suggestions when you're brainstorming. Right, McKay?" He didn't wait for Rodney to answer—most likely because he knew Rodney would disagree with him—but continued, "Spit it out, Lieutenant."

"Well," Ford said, staring firmly at the ground, "aren't unicorns only supposed to let virgins touch them?"

Oh yes, that was _such_ a helpful hypothesis. Rodney shook his head; the suggestion was ridiculous to the point of not even meriting a response, except that there were so many possibilities for mockery that he couldn't resist.

"Virginal women, if I'm not mistaken," he said, raising an eyebrow at Ford. "Of which I am neither. And, while I am too much of a gentleman to even ask, I think it's pretty safe to assume that Teyla is not virgin-sacrifice material." He looked at Teyla out of the corner of his eye, trying to make sure she hadn't taken offense at his words. She didn't seem to have, as she was still smiling. "So that leaves you, Lieutenant. Anything in particular you'd like to share with us?"

Rodney was really enjoying Ford's blushing inability to answer, so much so that he almost missed Sheppard's cough. When he turned his head to look, though, he was surprised to find Sheppard looking even more uncomfortable than Ford.

Ford looked resolutely in the direction of the unicorn. "I was actually thinking maybe it was more the other way—"

"Lieutenant!" Sheppard barked, and Ford stiffened to attention.

"Yes, sir?" Ford said.

Now it was Sheppard who was staring fixedly at the unicorn, obviously avoiding the looks the rest of his team were giving him. "I think we've had enough idle speculation for today. We've got things to do here that have nothing to do with native horses that just happen to look a little like unicorns."

The penny dropped. Rodney knew he was being far too obvious about it, but he couldn't help staring at Sheppard. Who was, apparently, a virgin.

Well, Rodney thought as he patted the unicorn's nose one last time before turning to follow the rest of the team, he'd have to do something about that.


End file.
